No one raises their hand in elementary and says I want to be an alcoholic/addict when I grow up. We want to be doctors, lawyers or teachers. I had a very loving, supportive family who provided me with a blessed upbringing. They raised me the best they could, but being the oldest of a preacher, I felt tremendous precious to be “perfect”.
I failed daily at perfection and constantly searched to change how I felt, fill the empty void. I didn’t take my first drink until I was 18 and 21months later, I was in treatment for the first of many times. I remember my first AA meeting at the age of 19, I was so angry, I wasn’t like “those people”. I spent 3 1/2 yrs “around” the rooms of AA. I talked a good game and could tell you what you needed to do, but secretly I constantly searched for what made me different.
I started using again and this time I started with prescription pills. In a short 4months, I had done everything except stick a needle in my arm and I was in a jail cell. I spent the next 2 years in and out of treatment/jail. I always had family soften my fall.
On February 4, 2000, I went to jail for the last time. Completely hopeless, lonely, mentally, emotionally and spiritually dead. I wanted to die, I begged God to take me. I truly never thought I would recover. I was sentenced to 3 years in state prison. The best thing that ever happened to me. A million light bulbs came on. I heard all the things from those who had recovered and it finally made sense.
Recovery was about ME! CHANGING ME! The life I live today is not one I ever thought possible in the back of that cop car February 4, 2000. I am a child of God, I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I am a productive member of society who lives each day trying to give back what was so graciously given to me. I am no longer broken, God is the ultimate super glue and He glued me back together.
I am a Warrior…in all things I do!