“My name is Desorei and I am a person with a substance use disorder”. During my time as a person with a substance use disorder, I was lying, stealing, and selling things out of my home to spend the money on a drug that meant me no good. I prayed and I cried all the time, but I still kept using it. I wanted to stop using it, but I didn’t. I let myself down along with family members and friends. So sad.
My drug of choice was crack. My addiction started while I was selling the drug. I was on top of the world when I was selling. I was known as “Ms. Lady” to those that I sold to and those in the Projects I lived/sold in. I was making more money than I could ever imagine and my project apartment was laid! Then one day everything changed, I saw crack used in marijuana and tobacco joints and tried it. As time went on, someone that I looked at as family told me to try it in his glass pipe and I did. ”WOW,” I thought! The next thing I knew, I was using daily, my addiction took on a life of its own from there. I started as a dealer and before I knew it, I was hooked! I went through so much money without a care in the world.
I’m telling my story in hopes that it’ll give another person with a substance use disorder hope. You can recover because I did! When I was using, I thought about crack so much and I would smoke it until I couldn’t smoke anymore. It was my life. I have 3 amazing kids, my addiction led us to a lot of hard times, we only made it through by love and God’s grace. Now I’m sitting here thanking God for delivering me from such a terrible drug. I could’ve died or been killed. So many times, I told myself that I was going to stop, but that didn’t happen. I went to detox, AA meetings, and tried counseling many times, but I still kept using it. I thought that I had friends because they would smoke with me, but they were just using me. I would look in the mirror and be so mad at myself, my face was thinning and broke out with pimples. I would cry and cry then pray over and over again. I lived this way for many years, 27 years to be exact!
I hit rock bottom when I was 47 and knew that I had to stop. My apartment was nearly empty, I had sold just about everything in it to fund my addiction. All I could do was cry! My kids & grandkids have always meant the world to me & still do of course! I got tired of lying to them and lying to myself. My youngest son had moved to Texas and my goal was to move there as well, I knew that if that was going to happen, I couldn’t keep living this life.
At that moment, I realized that I needed to pull myself together, get out of my comfort zone, and move far away. That’s exactly what I did. I finally WANTED to quit, so I quit. It was not easy, but that day I stopped smoking crack, cold turkey. I prayed harder than I ever had, and stretched out on faith. I beat my addiction and moved to Texas where my youngest son lived, he stood by me through it all!
My name is Desorei, and I am a person in recovery! No more lies, no more stealing, no more hurting the people I love, and no more hurting myself. I forgive myself and have asked others for forgiveness. The birds chirping and cars starting up no longer bother me like they used to. I love to hear the birds and look at nature now. God will help you with your addiction as long as you really want to stop and you’re sincere and pray! He did it for me, so he’ll do it for you! I had to keep praying, get out of my comfort zone, and really want to stop repeating past behaviors. The support of my son and a few others helped me with the process as well. I used substances daily for 27 years, so I know it’s not easy, but it’s possible. Believe me, living in recovery is the best thing I could’ve done. Taking things one day at a time will take you far and prayer will take you even further! I’m proud to say, that I am now 4 YEARS in RECOVERY!
You can quit, I DID!
Now that I am done with my story here are my tips to help you beat addiction:
• Remove yourself from your comfort zone
• Take things one day at a time
• Stop hanging with other users
• Know your worth
These are the tools that worked for me! May God bless you and keep you!
A Person in Recovery!