Nicole's Recovery Story
How Drug Rehab Changed My Life
I would never agree to drug rehab, I never wanted to get help. This is my personal recovery story, this is how I found hope in a hopeless place.
I was 30 years old and sitting in a jail cell – AGAIN. I knew this time I was going to be there for awhile. I had a 9 years old son that was coming to visit me, he knew at least if mommy was in jail he could see her because when I was on the street I was nowhere to be found.
The charges were piling up, new charges on top of violations of probation, and no bail set because I was picked up on a warrant for the violations.
I sat there Hopeless.
I knew that my drug addiction was killing me, and killing my family yet my only thought was about getting out of jail to go get high. I knew it was going to be a long wait until my court date. I knew even then my chances of escaping this jail cell and returning back to the personal prison I was held captive in on the streets was minimal.
My drug of choice was crack cocaine. I say it was crack cocaine but the truth is I would take anything and everything I could to escape from life. I shot heroin during the day and smoked crack all night. My whole existence was centered around how I could get the next high. It was all I thought about and all I did. My drug addiction completely consumed my life.
Here I was. In jail again, no bond. Where the guards asked me how I have been since my last visit like they were the doormen of my building.
I want to tell you that I had a revelation and swore off drugs for good. I want to tell you that I had a bright idea that I would seek help and live a better life, but what happened to me is beyond what I could do for myself. What happened while sitting in that jail cell is complete Divine Intervention.
I asked my public defender to request I be released on house arrest. She knew this was a terrible idea and so did I. I knew as soon as I got out of that cell I was running back to a crack pipe. I did the same thing every time they released me. I had spent about 6 months of the last year of my life just waiting on court dates and being held with no bond. The grip of addiction was latched on to me so tight the only time I could breath was when I got put back in the jail cell.
I made a promise to my family, I told them that when and if the courts release me on house arrest that I would seek treatment. Yes- I had made many promises before. No- I never kept them. However, I needed the help of my family once again because they don’t release you on house arrest unless you have a home and that is something I did not have. I was living from hotel to hotel, I was comfortable in the chaos of my life.
After sitting in jail a while and thinking about how I was ever going to successfully complete house arrest so I can get these charges behind me and get on with my life… or lack of life.
I choose to enter a Rehab center- just to get through house arrest. It was the only way I could beat the charges.
I want to say to you that I choose rehab to learn how to live a better life, to become a mother to my son, to become a better person for society but that’s not the truth. I went to rehab to beat house arrest so I could use again without interference from the law.
I was sentenced to house arrest.
Off to Drug Rehab, I went.
I had been to rehab before and really had tried to live a sober life. I knew it was possible. I watched my dad get sober in the AA program, Last time I got sober I even got my son back, I saw how the good things happened when you did the right thing. I just didn’t think I was capable of doing the right thing.
I just needed to beat the charges.
I walked into my rehab center and thought I was in heaven. Coming straight from jail gave me a real sense of gratitude for even the little things. Like a real mattress and a cigarette. Real Coffee. The gratitude carried me at first, it gave me a positive attitude. Having gratitude changes things.
I sat there in the drug rehab center made friends, smiled and laughed. We had quite time at night and I used this time to read. I didn’t put time into choosing what I read, nobody asked me to read certain books. But God Had a plan.
I had a book called Sermon on the Mount. This was not a new book I had it for some time. I got this book from my father the last time I attempted to get sober. This book traveled with me for the past 2 years in the bottom of a bag that went from hotel to hotel with me. It was with me the whole time I was using and I just never even thought to open it.
I made it out of jail and was handed a bag of stuff, all of my possessions. One bag. I had Few articles of clothing a few pictures, and this book. This is all that made it through the storm with me.
I opened it and read it.
Sometimes you don’t know God is all you need until God is all you got.
I was down to nothing and at that moment I had everything I ever needed.
I read something that was so powerful to me. I read that “a man that parts with the integrity of his own soul even to gain the whole world was a tragic fool.”
That was me, a tragic fool.
I kept reading. I read the Truth. I read what Jesus taught and was given a practical application on how it could work in my life. I learned about the nature of God, why we make mistakes, why we yield to temptation, why we become sick, I learned that I was sick but most important I learned how all these things can be overcome. I learned through reliance on God, there was hope for me. First the first time in as long as I can remember I felt Hopeful.
I made a decision in that drug rehab that I was going to jump all into a program of recovery. I realized that when you have nothing you have nothing to lose. I wanted to learn more and more about this spiritual way of life. For the first time, I was not “too cool” for God. I didn’t care what others though. I felt like I had a solution to my problems. Not just my drug addiction but my whole life.
I got out of that treatment center and went into a halfway house. I had to completely start my life over. I was still under house arrest; however, it didn’t bother me. I finally was free. I had a freedom that not a police officer, not a judge, not anyone could take from me.
It took me over a year to get custody of my son back. But I have a God who would not have it any other way. He has restored my family.
I got a sponsor and jumped right into AA. I knew I had to find others that were on this same path.
I was sharing a room with 2 other women in a halfway house, yet I felt like I just won the lottery. The gift that was given to me though was priceless.
Today I have 6 years clean and all the glory goes to God. I am married and have had another child, one who has never had to see me use drugs. I have mended all my family relationships and now I couldn’t imagine talking not talking to my family on a daily basis.
I know that If I can get clean, anyone can and you can do it now. Don’t wait until things get worse. Had I not separated myself from the drugs long enough to give God the opportunity to intervene in my life I don’t know where I would be today.
If you are struggling with drug addiction like I was for so many years, I want to be the first to tell you that there is a better life out there for you. Give yourself a shot at life. JC Recovery Center is one of the many places you can come to start your road to recovery.
Do you have a story of recovery? We would love to hear from you. We don’t do this alone we do it together, feel free to share your story of recovery with us.