Meet Alannah, our November “Mama’s in Recovery” feature story. Alannah took the time to sit down with Faces & Voices of Recovery to share a bit of her recovery journey.
Alannah Gout is the mother of a 3-year-old daughter, Finnleigh and a 6-month-old son, “Tripp” and a woman in long-term recovery. Her addiction began around the age of 14 and by the time she was a sophomore in high school, it was running rapid. Alannah’s recovery journey began at the age of 19 after finding out that she was pregnant with her daughter. In her early pregnancy, she just thought that she was having morning sickness but realized later that she was going through withdrawal. At the time she didn’t connect the dots and surely didn’t think she had an issue with addiction. It wasn’t until Finnleigh was born that she started to open up to the reality that she had a problem with drugs and alcohol. Alannah didn’t actively use when she was pregnant, but her family knew there was an issue and soon, Alannah did too.
After giving birth to Finnleigh, Alannah was set on finding a network that wasn’t using drugs or alcohol. Taking a closer look at her life, she felt it was unmanageable. Reflection became a key point for her. Alannah knew that she had plenty of opportunities to grow. She coped in ways that had a negative impact on her life – acting out on, sex, spending money, and self-sabotaging behavior. She attended a few fellowship meetings here and there but, “didn’t do anything they suggested”. Nonetheless, Alannah saw something attractive about the fellowship and the recovery lifestyle. During the early stages of her recovery, Alannah ran in to an old friend, Tony. Tony was “living the dream” of recovery in Alannah’s eyes and soon he became a guiding force in her recovery. Alannah found something else attractive, and that was her old friend, Tony. Yet, Alannah knew that she had to focus on her recovery and they decided to take it slow as friends. Alannah, took some time to herself and began dating outside of the fellowship of recovery only to find herself back in the realm of addiction, picking up that drink during dinner. According to Alannah, “I think I could have controlled it for a while…I had no consequences but emotionally, I felt so guilty. I felt like I was right back where I started when I was using.” Alannah stated that, “the desire to use my drug of choice was scarier than anything so I came back to the fellowship and dove in”. After about 7 months of recovery, Tony and Alannah dated exclusively and not long after the love blossomed, baby “Tripp” arrived.
Alannah still has a few personal struggles, but she has found a true connection to the “Mama’s in Recovery” and recently celebrated 2 years of recovery! She is grateful for the mom’s, “it’s my outlet, I can talk to them at three in the morning. We talk about balance, raising kids, and having a relationship.” For Alannah, it can be difficult getting to meetings but, “being able to talk to the girls makes me feel like I’m doing something for my recovery everyday”. As a stay at home mom, Alannah is learning to tend house and says that, “there is no other job I’d rather do, I love staying home with them”. She has come a long way in her recovery and, while at first, she focused on recovery because of Tony and her daughter, Finnleigh, she has now built a foundation, “now it’s about me…I realize that I’m worth it and I deserve the life of recovery”. We support you Alannah! Faces & Voice of Recovery is honored that Alannah welcomed us as a part of her network and look forward to seeing where her journey takes her! You deserve it! Your village is cheering for you!